FUCK YOU ALL I AM DONE WITH YOU!
2004-07-09, 2:45 a.m.

Once again I got burned. Everyone always says I am a wonderful, intelligent, easy to get along with, only person they can connect with, and a caring person BUT yet no one EVER sticks around. I am the person they get strength from to get them through whatever issues they are going through at the time. I help them believe in themselves and in humanity again. But I am the one left with all the damage and the pain. I havent felt this low since "he who shall not be named" destroyed my world. And these are friendships not romantic love interests.

I mean case in point about people using me and moving on. The fourth of july had the usual BBQ and Andrea and her friends came and ate like a swarm of locusts. Then they left with just the usual empty thank yous. I go to read her online journal and she flamed me online and critisized everything. Not my fault that most of my "friends" ( use the term loosely) are sophisticated and well to do. She wasnt the center of attention like she usually demands and she had smart ass comments to say about the people there and the food. Cause we had tons of ribs, my famous chicken teriyaki wings, and the usual barbecue stuff. I am sorry we didnt have the trailer trash jello salad and hot dogs and hamburgers. We had upscale food. Yeah but she and her friends seem to eat a great deal of it. Yeah whatever. Done with her and her low class shit.

Why do I let them do this to me knowing that is what they are going to do to me in the end. Meaning use and toss me away. I know I have said this before about cutting ties but I am dead serious now. If I want to survive and not kill myself then I must do this. I am cutting all ties to human beings. No more phone calls, no IMs, no email, no visiting NOTHING. Just me and the dogs. This isnt all coming about because of Andrea and her trailer trash friends but from everyone. I was insulted way too many times in the past few days from what I have called friends and I am through with it. James even made me cry making me feel lower than dirt. Then Eric another person I had talked to insulted me but in a nice way. Still it was an insult. Then there is Mark whom I totally think is cool but I am not his type of friend if he really knew what I looked like. I am talking friends here not potential love interests.

I have looked at everyone in my present and my past and they are all evil motherfuckers. EVERY ONE OF THEM! I have a few quotes that I use to live by and I am gonna post them. "When you dim your light so someone else's can shine, the world gets darker around you." "Leap, the net will follow." "Right after splat,something good will happen." Yeah I use to cherish those quotes. NOT ANYMORE! Its more like "love is just an invitation for more pain." "SO visible that you become invisible" Thats what I believe. I am worthless, subhuman, waste of DNA, substandard, pion, a joke, horrifying, and isolated. Thats who I am to the world and always will be. I am so isolated and alone and not by choice. Its because thats what people want me to be. Always there for them and not the other way around. I am an easy target. Well I am through! So whomever if anyone at all is reading this FUCK YOU TOO!