Summer lightning and Rants
2004-06-19, 2:18 a.m.

Last night there was a wonderful summer lightning storm. We dont get those. Whenever there is lightning in this state its always raining like a son of a bitch. I watched the news and people were flooding television stations of alien invasions and terrorists. HHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

All I did was take a chair out on my deck and watch the storm. I had some thoughts of "he who shall not be named" only because he said he wanted to take me to a summer storm in Montana. Because of the beauty of it. Got me all upset though cause of just some of the things he said to me. Yeah anyway more about the storm. It went on for hours. I wanted to take my camera out and take some shots but there were reasons why I didnt. One is no film, I used it all for the flower pics I just took. And it was too late to go get the film I needed. Two I am a good photographer but not that good yet. I know how to the broad feature but still not all that good at it. Broad feature is when the shutter stays open and takes a long exposure of the shot you want. Then the third reason is I was too far away to get any fantastic displays. Maybe if we have another storm like that again I will take some shots. Its been so damn hot lately that it will happen again. Hopefully! hehehehe So while watching the storm I was just amazed by the awesome power nature yields. Its just so awesome to watch something so beautiful can also be destructive. I wish I could just express it better.

I know I didnt write about it last night due to me lack of enthusiasm to write. I have been in a ho hum like attitude. I think its due in part to me need to pull away from human contact. I know it has to do with James but I sometimes dont want to admit it. We talked tonight. He told me about his rough day at work and I listened. I was detatched. I gave some advice but it seemed not to be sincere. He knew something was up so I just made up a story about how frustrated I am with my father and his lack of effort in changing his health.

I went into detail about how I am just pissed off that he isnt making and effort and I am. By that I mean I am driving him to dialysis, cooking, cleaning, helping him pay the bills, and making sure he takes his meds. He has totally given up. So I am about ready to throw in the towel. Plus his bitch sister has the power of attorney and she isnt doing a damn thing. She is just making childish idiotic threats about how she is gonna tell some old bats back in Brooklyn about him not towing the line. Yeah like 90 year old women can do anything to make my father change. But my Uncle also have a power of attorney so I will ask for his help in declaring him unfit to take care of himself and have him hospitalized. At least he will understand unlike the bitch sister. Linda (thats her name) doesnt want to actually do anything to help she just wants the credit that she can do it. And in a way thats a good thing cause I dont want the bitch out here. She will try to take over both our lives.

Anyway after telling all that to James he gave me a compliment. He said that what I am doing is a very noble thing even though I might not think it. That was really sweet. He was sincere about it too. I just know that it wont help me change my mind about just wanting to be friends and nothing else. He deserves someone better at this point. I keep urging him to find it too. I know he will he has a lot to offer someone.

Oh yeah I have a rant. There are these new neighbours in my area. In fact kitty corner to my house. They have been partying non stop for weeks now. I think the father has gone on vacation or something. Because they are partying all hours of the night and day. I miss the old people that use to live in the house. They were nice, quiet, and great neighbours. These new ones are piece of shit trailer trash that somehow got enough money to move into our neighbourhood. BASTARDS! I wish we could have them kicked out. Our block association can only do so much like harass the hell out of them till they want to move. Believe me we have done it before. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA They are partying right now and since its sooo damn hot the windows need to stay open or it will get too damn hot in the house. So we have to listen to teenage morons try to have fun. I think I am gonna go call the cops this is ridiculous. I mean I dont have a problem with people having fun but just not every fucking day. Plus they have a pitbull that howls all night too. GOD DAMN they are the neighbours from hell. We had some neigbours that when they threw a Sweet 16 birthday party they sent all the neighbours invites to the party. Thats soooo cool. They do that in Italy all the time. Its a neighbourhood party not just a private party in Italy. Yeah well I am not there am I. I am in washington aka fifth ring of hell. Ok enough ranting time to go scream. HEHEHEHEHE