My grandmother died and my brush with death in the hospital
2004-08-05, 12:54 a.m.

Where oh where do I start. Let's start a little over a week ago. I was having some major abdominal pain. I didnt tell anyone either. The pain was just getting worse and worse.

Then on July 28th I got a phone call in the morning from my father informing me that my grandmother had died that morning. OH MY GOD! It was like a shock. I was soo stunned that I didnt know what to think. I cried and realized that my only living grandparent had died. The one that I was close to.

Then I went into overdrive. I knew what I had to do. My father was in no shape mentally to handle this. I just didnt know what to do. I immediatly made plans for me and him to go back to New York. The whole while my abdominal pain was getting worse and worse by the passing minutes. I went to go console my father. I found him sleeping like nothing had happened.

Then I called my aunt to find out what had happened. I talked to some guy that was staying at the house in brooklyn. He said my aunt was busy and that he told my father that my grandmother had died. Ok now I was mad that my own flesh and blood couldnt even inform my father. I asked what happened. It turned out my grandmother was very ill and had been in the hospital for over a week. Ok pissed off again. Why didnt anyone tell us? I understand not telling my father since he is in no shape for that kind of news but tell me dammit. I could have prepared my father and myself for this news. I knew what I had to do. I had to get my father up and out to dialysis. And that day I had to pick up my new mini van. Totally bittersweet day. So I got my father something to eat and lucid enough to get up and get ready for dialysis. All the while trying to help him get through this.

I picked up the van with my mother. She came over to the house immediatly. I came home to find my father asleep once again. I know he wants to sleep all the way through this. But I couldnt let him. So after hours and hours of trying to get him moving. I called the hospital to tell them what had happened and that I was trying to get him there. They understood. I also needed to get him on a plane soon.

Still the pain in my abdomen was growing intolerable. I still told no one. At around 8:45pm I finally got him to the hospital but it was too late for him to run. They told us to come back in the early morning. I promised them I would get him there. I noticed he still hadnt cried or lost it. He was just sleepy. I know those signs. I brought him back home to get us a plane ticket. But there was a voice in the back of my head saying I couldnt make it back with him at that time. Something was terribly wrong with me.

The next morning I got up early and tried to get my father up and ready. To no avail he wouldnt move. I also started calling around to get his dialysis set up in new york. I got those plans settled. Then I knew I needed to get his medication from the military hospital and knew he wouldnt be able to do it. So I called his business partner Carl the one that I had been driving to chemo sessions at the post. His (carl's) son gladly said he would go with me. on friday.

Since I was trying to get my father up still and just to get blood draws done if not anything. It was the late evening when I kinda sat back and realized that my grandmother would never call me "darling" again. I broke down. It hit me like a ton of bricks but I knew I had to stay strong. I then talked to my aunt who informed me that if my father didnt go to dialysis and get all the stuff needed to be done out here that he couldnt come back. Yeah just the stress I needed. So I rescheduled his flight for saturday instead of friday.

Well again the pain in my tummy was killing me. I ran to the bathroom only to find out that instead of moving my bowels I passed massive amounts of blood. I then realized that something was really wrong. I couldnt tell anyone cause I had too much to do. Well I took some pain killers and went to sleep. I woke up exhausted and freezing. I didnt have time for this. I called my aunt to tell her that I was going to fly out on monday. As soon as I got up out of bed I fell to the ground in intense pain. I got to the phone and called my mother. She came rushing over to find me in a fetal position screaming. She was about to call the ambulance when I begged her no that I was just having some spasms. YEAH RIGHT! I got dressed and went and picked up Carl's son and went out to Ft Lewis not telling him I was literally bleeding out. I also had my mother make an appointment with my doctor for later on that day.

Well with the crap I had to go through to get my father's medication. That stress was building plus Carl's son was a control freak constantly telling me how to drive where to go and what to do. GOD DAMN it was bad. I looked at the clock and realized I couldnt make it to the doctors.

We got home at around 5:45pm I had to get my father up and ready for dialysis. He wasnt up when I got there. I started to cry and beg him to get up. MY mother came back over and was upset that I didnt make it to the doctors. I then told her what happened and she freaked out and told my father. He got up at around 7:45 and got ready. I got him to dialysis. I came home to rest only to have to return a few hours later. I picked him up and wrote out a list of stuff we had to do to get him on a plane. He came home and went to bed. DAMMIT.

I took more pain killers and went to bed. I got up saying that after I get him to the airport I needed to get to the hospital. Because now I was sloughing aka shedding my intestinal lining and bleeding out of control. The pain was killing me. I asked my mother to come over to help me with my father. He wasnt doing a damn thing he was just sleeping.

So at 4 I was begging and pleading to get him up so we can get him packed. He didnt move. So at 7pm I started to pack up his stuff. When I went downstairs to email my aunt with his flight info and his med list. I overheard my mother screaming at my father telling him that I was dying and needed to get to the hospital and that he was being a lazy jerk not doing anything. He finally got up at 10 pm. His flight left at 11:59pm.

I got him out of the house at 10:50 ready to go. I drove like a bat out of hell to get him there. We got at the airport at 11:25. I had set up a wheelchair escort to take him to the gate. Good thing cause they held the plane for that reason. I left the airport and waited at the Red Lion hotel just in case they didnt let him on the plane. No calls so I assumed they let him on.

He did get on the plane but guess what they confiscated his luggage at the security checkpoint. Because he had too many needles in his carry on. He is a diabetic and needs to take his insulin with them. Yeah that was a great phone call in the morning. See I still didnt go to the hospital because just in case my father called. Yeah well all his luggage was taken off so he didnt have any of his meds and clothing. GREAT! So my aunt had to get some of our family members who are doctors to write emergency scripts.

By this time I hadnt eaten in 2 days and could barely move. My mother came over to find me once again in a fetal position. She got me up and in the car to the hospital. In the emergency room they saw me after about 20 mins. They got me on a gurney in the middle of the ER. They had no rooms open. When one opened up I got in first. There they instantly gave me some pain killers. God that was great. But they had to do an exam. Oh no and you know where. Well I didnt tolerate that too well and was screaming bloody murder. From what the ER doctor saw he admitted me quickly and got me upstairs.

I was on the floor that I was on years ago when I nearly died then. So I knew some of the nurses. They remembered me and made me feel comfortable. Well that night they made me drink some "go lytely" If any of you have had to drink it you know its the worse stuff on the planet. And this was flavored. So it was cherry flavored salty sperm. ARGH!

I guess in my drugged stupor I called a bunch of people. One of them was Andrea who came to the hospital quickly. I asked her to bring me some sprite. She did but they took it. Because I couldnt eat or drink anything. ARGH! Oh yeah I nearly called "he who shall not be named" FUCKING PRICK! Like he would have done anything. I called Orchy who dropped everything and came right over. God I love her. Well so it was her, andrea, and andrea's boyfriend dusty. I was so scared they told me that I was crying and begging them to stay with me if I was going to die. Then I started to hallucinate. That is for another entry but let me tell you it had to do with mimes,some imaginary person named michael, and spiders. Andrea said she would take care of the dogs since Orchy wasnt going to leave my side. Andrea soon lost it when they brought in my labs showing that I was losing a massive amount of blood. Orchy was crying too but wouldnt let me see. I passed out from the shock. I wasnt any good to anyone at this point but before passing out I said i refuse any transfusions. Andrea and dusty left since it was 7 in the morning and Orchy said she wasnt going anywhere.

Since this entry is still going to be about 2 more pages long I will leave you with this. I am too tired to type anymore. I will fill in the details and tell you what happened tomorrow. I am still alive so it ended kinda good. Have to wait till tomorrow to find out. Sorry but I am way too tired.