I'm back! I am not dead
2004-04-19, 2:01 a.m.

Well well well its be forever since I have updated. Been busy trying to start this business. Not in school this quarter to get it done in fact. Yeah I bought those Matthew Lesko books and he neglected to say umm not free money with no attachments but loans. Which I already knew how to get. The books are cool though. They have some cool info.

So what's new with me? Lets see my friend from photography class has moved in to help with things around the house. Its cool though she respects my space and I respect hers. Its working out fine no complaints here. Which shocks the shit out of me cause most people who move in here are evil. I was hoping though she would join me on the weight loss program you know be a buddy and stuff but she doesnt really like the idea of no sugar no salt no dairy and to eat only certain things.

Which brings me to my progress. I fell off for a few days, ok a few weeks but it turns out I did no damage just didnt lose the 5 lbs a week I normally did. I lost only 3 lbs a week. But happy to say I am back on it. Totally gung ho about it. I have lost soooooo much weight that my skin is hanging which is now firming up. Its weird. My clothes dont fit at all and no matter how much I try to make them fit it doesnt seem to work so shopping time soon. My rings have offically fallen off. Which makes me sad very sad. So on to the health.

I pulled a muscle on the treadmill thats why I kinda fell off the diet. Man did that hurt like a bitch and it still hurts. But its all good now I just have to do yoga and stretch out before doing the treadmill. I am ok with it its helping with the sagging skin problem. My doctor gave me some killer muscle relaxers but I dont like them cause the one kind she gave me make me loopy. The other kind are cool cause they are for people with like MS and such so they dont disconnect you. Well I had a nasty infection recently I know any of you who read this dont want to hear about it but hey its part of being a woman. It was a UTI ( urinary tract infection) I am use to them cause I have had them all my life cause I had a urethral diverticulum. Basically a tumor on my uretha and they removed it which made the UTI's go away and only show up every once and awhile. But back to the infection. It was soooo bad that it caused a burn around my nay nay hahahaha cool word huh. So I went to the doctors and didnt get so see my usual one and saw a really nice one though. He gave me an exam and said oook no vaginal infection just a nasty burn. So I got the usual antibiotics. But he noticed on my chart that I hadnt seen my Oncologist. OOPS so I have been avoiding him. If the cancer it back so fucking be it. I dont have the time to deal right now. I do have an appointment with my nephrologist aka kidney doctor. Dont really like seeing him he's an asshole. Oh well. Nothing else is going on in the health department really. Just losing weight and feeling good. On to mental health.

I have been having way too many dreams about "he who shall not be named" They are about our first meeting after losing the weight. I am fucking hot in the dream too. Well its been a few dreams. One was I totally wanted him back. One is where I got total fucking revenge. Then the other just stopped. Thatone was weird. Oh well but I talked to Orchy one day and she told me he was in hell. AWWWWWWWWwwwww. I wonder how she knows oh well. I dont want to know. But all in all my vengence is still fueled by him so hey that works. Oh Oh Oh OOOOOOOOOOOH, see I was a nanny a few years back and I raised these kids well one of them got pregnant a little over a year ago and she was only 17 GRRRRRRRRR. I havent seen her in over a year and a half. She came over one day and I was taking a nap she came down to my room and woke me up I hugged her and was like OH MY GOD! I thought I was dreaming. So we went upstairs and her mom was with her. We sat and talked and talked and she wanted to spend the night. The baby was with the asshole that I want to castrate. He is like 7 years older than her. I swear I want him to die but back to her. I asked her if she wanted to go out. So I jumped on the computer and looked for places to go when you are underage. Beside DV8 aka Amp now ( hahahaha I worked at DV8) While I was online one of the assholes that have come back into my life was on and he wanted to go out with us. I agreed cause he just got back from Iraq. I felt bad plus his girlfriend went back home which is like in ellensburg oh well. So I got ready he came over and we decided to go to my favorite place in Seattle. We went to a porn store open 24 hours a day called Fantasies Unlimited. My friend works there he gives me huge discounts. So I decided its gonna be dress up day and I brought my camera. I dressed Tasha up in all kinds of outfits and took pictures. She is absolutly beautiful. All the people in the store were drooling including Phil whom I warned that she is like a daughter to me back off. I bought some things for her cause I know she doesnt get to indulge for herself. And I bought something for "he who shall not be named." Yeah yeah call me a sucker. On the way home my whole celibacy thing came into play in the conversation. And Phil knowing one of my weaknesses decided to test that out. He started to play with my neck. ARGH I nearly jumped the boy cause he was and is my best lover ever. But I am shooting for never ever letting a male or female touch me ever again. Oh well that visit was cool though had fun. Oh yeah everyone that I have come into contact is like GOD DAMN you have lost a shitload of weight. WHOO HOO go me. Another asshole tried to get me to break my celibacy also Ian but I squashed that one quick. He is my second best lover. HAHAHAHAHA At leat the shitty ones arent trying to contact me. On to friends.

I still havent talked to Jean oh I lied I did I told him what he did wrong cause being a male he had no clue. And he tried to flip it on me saying I had no right to be upset he has the right yeah ok. But I took him off call block cause Andrea ( the one who lives here) is his friend and its not my place to deny him talking to her. I guess she talked to him about it and he is all depressed with his life and that all his friends are gone awwwwww boo fucking hoo.Every once and awhile I do have this want to talk to him but it subsides when I realize how much he bugs the shit out of me. Anyways So on to family.

I think my father has a death wish. His blood sugars are constantly low he doesnt eat he just drinks a mountain dew and thinks that will fix it. Today he ran out of some insulin and for like 10 hours didnt do anything about it and finally I had to run to walgreens to get him some. He didnt eat because he didnt have insulin argh That man is gonna be the death of me. He goes to the hospital daily to drive his friend who has lung cancer to his treatments and he doesnt eat before he leaves and he gets all loopy there and they have to give him an IV of glucose every fucking time. They are getting fed up and one of these days he is gonna kill his friend and himself while driving. So I just do what I can. I am tired of it I am not his mother. And on the topics of mothers I am still not talking to mine. Although she comes over to get her money for the cell phone bill. I have tried to mail her the money but she comes over to get it before I can mail it out. Its like she knows. She tried to get all chummy with me and I just told her look I dont want you in my life right now and stay out of it. Then she brought up my brother staying with her and such then he came down to stay with her. See he was banned from the house after I caught him stealing wine, alcohol, food, and my cigarettes. I made the rule he will never stay here again. She said I had no right only my father and her do. HAHAHAHAHA she has no right this isnt her house anymore and I live here. I have every right. I guess his little visit with her went well and she brought him here so my father could drive him home. My father pulling his usual sleeping for 20 hours out of the day said he wasnt feeling well. God when is he ever? Its cause he doesnt do anything but sleep. So my brother had to stay overnight. I watched him like a hawk. He and my mother ended up taking 3 slices of my Junior's cheesecake ( the best in the world and I had it shipped from Brooklyn.) That was it I was pissed. Then he ate 5 eggs and all the bacon. I was through. So he is never coming back. My father agreed. He is to stay with his mother from now on. See my father and I have been taking care of him for years and all my mother does whenever he came down was see him for 3 hours that whole week. ARGH its her son she needs to take responsibilty.

Well I am getting tired. And I have to get some sleep. Yeah so I am not dead missing or back in Rome yet just been busy. But I do need to write more and get my frustrations out. Ok off to sleep.