WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?!?!
2004-06-14, 1:13 a.m.

You know how good it feels to just look forward to talking to someone. Well thats what its like when I talk to my new friend James. I cant say that I would ever fall for him since I know I wont cause that would be unfair to him. I am still hung up on the asshole. I still need to keep that rage going over him or I might just fall off my road to self improvement. But still its a good thing to just talk to someone again and really enjoy it. I havent felt this normal in a while even though I know how it will all end. I dont know I just like talking to people. Thats the one thing that I really want to kick "he who shall not be named" ass for cause I became a vile evil person hell bent on hating all of humanity. Dont get me wrong I sill loathe and want to destroy all males but its still nice to just talk to another person just cause you want to and they want to. He calls my cell phone just to leave cute little messages and to let me know he is thinking about me. And then I call his cell to leave similar messages. What the hell is going on with me. I cant lose focus.

Yeah and speaking of that its fucking freezing here. God I miss Italy. So with the cold my evil arthritis and muscles act up. I could barely move around today so I couldnt work out. ARGH I know I will make it up tomorrow just still I am wondering will this spark a trend with me? Will I stop trying to lose weight cause I am sidetracked by this guy. Why cant it just be simple? Plus this movie that I am watching right now just breaks my heart.

Its called "more to love" Its about an overweight girl transforming herself and getting into evil relationships cause males are evil and need to be killed. One of the characters says "I would rather have a really great time with half a guy then no fun at all" This was about one of the guys the main character is dating. He turns out to be married and uses her for some shameless thing at his club. Yeah so fat girls have to settle for being "the secret" or a good time. Not in my world anymore. There is more to the movie but I am just too pissed off, worried, and sad to even go into it. The whole thing makes me cry.

Yeah well I am just gonna call Orchy and vent. Yeah if she would just tear herself away from the aol "rate a rod" room. HAHAHAHAHA ok now I laughed. She and I went into the room a few nights and wow let me tell you guys really need ego stroking. Well I will explain more about that later. I want to go beat up a pillow or something.