Conversations while someone sleeps
2004-08-24, 12:51 a.m.

Well it was my first attempt at driving today. I had to pick my father up from dialysis. It was very painful. I am getting sick and tired of the pain. Plus the total fear of going to the bathroom. I know way too much info but come on its a simple thing that everyone does and no one talks about. Yeah yeah whatever.

My phone conversations with James are getting very intense. He said he is afraid to reveal his true feelings to me cause he is afraid of being hurt. OOOOOK like I have ever hurt anyone emotionally. Oh well. Then last night he feel asleep while talking to me. It brought back deja vu because I use to talk to "he who shall not be named" while he was asleep. So I did the same with James. I admitted some genuine feelings for him. But I dont want to let myself feel it because of the fear of being crushed like I had been with asshole. So today he asked me what I had said and he asked me if I said those "three little words". Yeah like I would ever say that again. Enough of that. I think its time for bed. I am way too exhausted to even think. Plus the pain is getting unbearable. Well off to bed. I think I am gonna start back on the treadmill again tomorrow too. Wish me luck.