I am not as evil as I am perceived. Good deeds make you feel good!
2004-09-29, 2:22 a.m.

Ok I am a bitch there is no doubt about that. I mean I really hate, loathe despise, scorn, abhor, and detest the human race but every once and a while I get this need to help people that I actually think are the most innocent perfect people on the planet. The other night I was driving home from dropping off my father's friend's daughter and I come across this guy in a wheelchair and his dog on the side of the exit begging for help. I was in a far away lane and couldnt get over. So I decided to go home get some provisions. Such as some dog food, bottled water, a few dog bowls to feed and water the dog with, a brand new blanket, and I had money to go get the guy some food. Then I realized that the mormons could possibly help this guy too. As I was walking out the door James called. Yeah just the guy I wanted to talk to.

So I tell him what I am doing and that the other night at the swingers party that this gorgeous guy said I was beautiful and talked to me all night and gave me his number. HAHAHAHA total lies but I told him that no straight male not related to me has ever told me that. He got all silent like HAHAHAHA motherfucker there is someone so much better out there. Even though they were lies it felt good to make him squirm. Anyway back to the disabled guy more about James later.

The wheelchair was motorized and he obviously had palsy or something to that affect so I knew he wasnt faking it. I found out later what really happened. As I was heading back over to him I saw that he was being pulled by the dog. The chair didnt work. Oh god my heart broke. I turned around in my car and when I got back to him no less than 1 minute he was gone. I mean POOF no person around. So I drove up and down 6th ave and pearl looking for him. I couldnt find him and I was very depressed that I couldnt help him. This brings me to the next day.

I was again driving back from dropping off my father's friend's daughter in auburn when I spotted him again. But this time I had all the stuff still in the car with me. So I quickly pull over and the dog brings him to my car. I ask him does he need any help and he said yes and whatever I could give. He was shaking and had a very bad speech impediment. I nearly broke down in tears. I mean this young man on the side of the road begging. So I began to unload the stuff out to him. He was very thankful. I ask him to meet his dog and asked him what it's name was. I was rosebud. Beautiful loving dog. Ok so we began to talk and I asked him what had happened if he didnt mind me asking. It turns out he was able bodied at one point but was in a jeep accident. He had massive brain damage and spinal damage. Oh god I nearly lost it right there. It had happened 9 years ago in november. How sad. One day you are ok and then bam your whole life changes in a second. So then we talked for awhile and he told me the one thing he missed was dating. Everything else he could handle but the loneliness was bad. I could so relate. Then he asked me if I was married. Um I knew what was going to be asked if I said no. So I said yes I am married and he said oh then sex is out of the question. ARGH I laughed and I really did laugh like see they still think the same. Always on their minds. By the way his name is arlo and I gave him my number and told him to call collect if he needed anything. Ok back to the sex thing. You know what the saddest thing about that is that he was the only guy to ever propose sex to me in the last year that knew what I looked like completely. He was the best offer I had all year. Great not to be mean but thats all I could get. Not that I am saying he isnt a wonderful beautiful person its just that wow what does that say about me? I am a leper. Well after talking for about an hour I had to leave. I felt bad that he was so lonely. I know it must hurt because I feel the same things. I then had an epiphany that wow I knew there were people out there worse off than I was and that I was gripping about trivial shit. Imagine being like that. I cried like a baby. And let me tell you I really want to be friends with this guy just not that good of friends not because of his limitations but because he is male and thinks the same way as they all do.

As I go to bed now crying because of all the evil shit in this world. I know that this young man will always be on my mind now. At least I am not as cold hearted as people think I am. Just only in special cases like Arlo's that I am truely emotional. Ok well I will write more on it later. Must sleep and the wishing hour is over. Oh yeah whoever is reading this I suggest going out and doing something charitiable. It makes you feel good!